Author Archives: Bob Evans

Transitioning From Pollywog to Shellback

 

In the United States Navy, a sailor who has never ventured south of the Equator is called a Pollywog and once you have crossed that line and gone through the initation you are a shellback.

1981 on my WestPac Cruise I crossed the line and passed through the initiation transforming from a pollywog to a shellback.

Most of that ceremony and hazing are now lost to my memory, robbed by the mists of time but there is one moment one image that stays with me.

LHA 3 was an amphibious assault ship that carried boats, jets, and helicopter of the Marine Corps to take beaches and was about the size and shape of an aircraft carrier from the second world war. At the stern of the ship was the elevator that lifted aircraft from the hanger deck to the flight deck directly above.

I was on a leash, don’t you just love initiation ceremonies, in the hanger deck and it was only dimly lit. Slowly the elevator descended from the flight deck. On the elevator were at least twenty men, this was well before any women served on combat vessels, but the bright daylight beyond them cast them into sharp silhouette and they appeared only as shaped without any discernible features. Everyone on of them had a length of hose and were crouched over beating the deck in near unison with these, chanting guttering shrieks with every stroke.

It was as though a squad of orcs had appeared and were enraging themselves for battle with their hated foes the elves.

There was, of course, no battles and no beatings, but that stark and compelling image has stayed sharp in my mind’s eye for 40 years.

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Blue America and Plague America

 

When it comes to the COVID-19 pandemic there are clearly two Americas, Blue America where vaccination rates are high and Red American where they are low.

Red America, that land where refusing to wear a mask of a symbolic gesture to show that you ‘do not live in fear’ but going everywhere armed is merely judicious judgment, has climbing cases of COVID-19 and still they refuse to get vaccinated.

This chart from the New York Times shows the absolutely clear relationship between vaccination rates and death from COVID-19.

Conservatives who would be excited beyond measure if the U.S. Supreme Court declared that ‘Constitution Carry’, the ability to carry a firearm conceal without any permitting requirements, and pack pistols before the ink was dry on the decision because they live in total terror of crime still refuse to get vaccinated. In rough figures because the data is not yet fully compiled there were about 20,000 murders in the United States last year and to date the pandemic has killed 30 times that number at more than 600,000 people. More that the US lost in World War II and Vietnam combined. Clearly saving their own lives and that of their families is not the reason that would prefer to pocket a pistol before taking the vaccine.

It is a clear indication of the madness that has taken over the conservative movement that its member would rather deal death than prevent it.

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Movie Review: The Banana Splits Movie

 

After discovering that not only had someone revived the weird psychedelic children’s program The Banana Splits Adventure Hour not only into a feature film but a slasher horror film at that I knew that I was destined to rent and review the feature.

The Banana Splits Adventure Hour, a live action sort-of furry kids shows ran from 1968 thru 1970 for just over 30 episodes and presented a mixture of live action and animation sprinkled with musical numbers. After 1970 the series aired in syndication for another decade a tribute to the heavy drugs consumed during the 70s.

The Banana Splits Movie deviates in two major fashions from the historical Banana Splits. First, instead of human performers in anthropomorphized animal costumes the Banana Splits are advanced mobile self-directed animatronics. Secondly, instead of being canceled in 1970 the show remained a hit running continuously until 2019.

The movie opens on what could have been a disappointing fake-out with Beth awaking to the sudden and horrifying image of one of the Splits standing over her as she slept on the family sofa. I feared that this was a set-up for the entire film to be a dream but luckily that was not the case.

Beth’s son Harley is a fanatical fan of the show and for his birthday his entire family, Beth, her second husband and Harley’s father Richard, and her son from her deceased husband are all going to a live taping of the show bringing along a friend of Harley’s. At the studio we are introduced to a series of quirky but not fully fleshed out characters, Paige the page, Rebecca the producer, the heartless studio executive, and an assortment of audience members. When it is learned that the series is now canceled and this will be the last performance that information along with computer code malfunctions, turned the Splits into murdering machines and everyone is suddenly in a fight for their lives.

The Banana Splits Movie could have been written and produced with a heavy sense of irony and lots of winking at the camera but that was not the path taken by screenwriters Jed Elinoff & Scott Thomas or director Danishka Esterhazy. Instead, they present the film as a straightforward, non-self-aware horror movie firmly in the slasher genre. When violence breaks out it is graphic and bloody. The stakes are real and with few exceptions that danger is presented an a suitably threatening manner. When a film, particularly a horror movie, includes children in vital roles it is always a concern. Make the children too precocious and you’ll damage the suspension of disbelief, make it clear that the kids are in no real danger and the stakes evaporate, kill the kids and you’ll lose your audience very quickly. The Banana Splits Movienavigates these treacherous waters deftly employing screenwriting solutions to all of these issues.

The Banana Splits Movie is far from perfect, there are unmotivated camera moves that are distracting, the story is told in manner that takes too long to get to the stakes and establishes certain characters too solidly at the expense of other and draining tension from the story. That said it was a decent rental and I have endured far worse horror films. For a rental fee of two dollar and ninety-nine cents I can say I got my money’s worth, and I can salute the filmmakers for avoiding the trite and worn troupe of treating this project as mere fodder for japes and jokes.

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Disorganized Thoughts

The Collapsed Condos: I think we’ll find that in addition of a cocktail of events and conditions that some form of corruption was involved. Cursed with a vivid imagination it’s all too easy for me to visualize being jolted awake as my room fell and then being crushed to death. Horrifying

Cosby: The turn on details and it certainly looks like the DA missed/ignored a detail that unraveled the entire prosecution. I have no doubts about his guilt.

The Former Guy: The Manhattan DA has arrested the CFO of the Former Guy’s organization and the financial crimes appears to go back decades and decades. Here’s where the Former Guy is not a cause but a symptom. The lax enforcement of laws against the wealthy has thoroughly corrupted our system. A robust and fair enforcement regime would have not only prosecuted the crimes much earlier for the former guy and others it would have prevented the travesty that was his election.

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The Kid is SO Precocious: Fantastic Four (2015)

 

Because I am a Disney+ subscriber and curious about the reported train wreck that was Josh Trank’s 120-million-dollar adaptation of the Fantastic Four I began watching the 2015 film a few nights ago.

Young geniuses as Reed Richards is presented in this version are a thing and can be a compelling way to open a story. The historical drama Hidden Figures starts with a young Katherine Johnson displaying mathematical abilities beyond her grade to establish the character the prodigy she truly was. A similar thing could have been used for the fictional Reed Richards but the filmmakers unable to show the requisite restraint to tell the tale in an unfolding and tantalizing manner instead of displaying knowledge and aptitude beyond his grade young Reed, a pre-pubescent Reed, is actually building teleport devices in his garage. This is far too much far too fast.

In Hidden Figures Katherine’s teacher confronted with the young girl’s fantastic ability recognizes brilliance in her presence and works with Katherine’s parents and church to get the girl the education her mind deserves. Fantastic Four however repeats a worn, tired, and unjust trope when Reed’s teachers is simply incapable of recognizing talent that stands before him and Reed is shuffled into the misunderstood outcast archetype instead of having any actual character.

This is repeated in High School and it was at this point that my bed and slumber proved more enticing that a story written by a paint-by-numbers methodology. Instead of returning to this film in following nights I found the comically under-budgeted and scientifically challenged British Sci-Fi series Blake’s 7 far more engaging.

Character wins over spectacle.

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The Pandemic is *not* Over

Things are better, we have several highly effective vaccines available to us American and it would seem that the worst is behind us.

However, this is not the time to relax our guard. Just as with any slasher movie of the 80s the villain is not yet fully dead and if we drop out weapon and stumble outside to weep, we’ll face him once more. No, we’ll not go back to the first act, but there is still death ahead.

Right now, nearly every person who dies from COVID 19 is unvaccinated and the responsibility for those unnecessary losses lie with the death-obsessed cult that the modern Republican Party.

Slavish, cultish, and idiotic devotion to a cheat, a liar, a racist, and narcissistic twice impeached former president has led vast swaths of our country to reject the simple actions that would save lives. The more votes that went for the GOP in the last election in a county the lower the rate of vaccination. More than a year of disease and death has proved inadequate to dislodging the need to prove one’s devotion to team red. Now the Delta variant is spreading quickly through the unprotected population, more contagious than the original strain it represents a serious danger to the unvaccinated and those unable to procure or accept vaccination due to their own unique health conditions. Without vaccine acquired herd immunity which Red Staters seem intent on foiling this pandemic will continue, people will die, and the only voices heard from the right will be cries of anguish over imagined crimes of Critical Race Theory.

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Streaming Review: Saint Maud

 

Writer/Director Rose Glass’ modestly budgeted horror film Saint Maud is an impressive display of skillful filmmaking and doubly as Glass’ feature film debut.

Morfydd Clark plays Maud a former hospital nurse now turned to in-home hospice care for the dying. Maud is deeply religious and often prays in a conversational manner with God which the audience experiences as well-crafted voiceover. Haunted by a traumatic event seen only the glimpses through flashback Maud is clearly a lonely young woman of with a devout and possibly fanatical mindset. Her newest hospice charge is Amanda, played by Jennifer Ehle, a free-spirited professional dancer now confined to a wheelchair as a cancer in her spine marches her towards her death. Rather than being repelled by Amanda’s alcohol indulgences and same-sex assignations Maud becomes obsessed not only with easing Amanda’s final days but saving her soul. Throughout the film’s brief 84-minute runtime Maud experiences events that may be supernatural in origin or psychotic breaks from reality with Glass’ directorial hand deftly charting a course between the two possibilities until the film’s final few frames.

Saint Maud is a well crafter piece of mood cinema. The cinematography perfectly captures the atmosphere of Maud’s isolated life and with reveling in filth conveys the sense of a fallen and broken world that we inhabit. Clark’s soft and often understated performance as Maud couple with a script that leans towards ambiguity creates a film that invites the viewers to build their own interpretation rather than holding your hand and explaining everything. Jennifer Ehle is perfectly cast as the chaotic Amanda a woman of considerable talent now dealing with life’s cruel and chaotic misfortune. At time understanding of Maud’s faith and at other times mocking it Amanda and Maud are the dynamic that drives this feature. A fascinating and thoughtful film Saint Maud is well worth the time to watch intently and not casually while you do other chores.

Saint Maud is currently streaming on Epix and Paramount+.

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Wasting Wesley

 

Just a quick note from my writer’s desk on how the production of Star Trek: The Next Generation wasted their opportunity with the character Wesley Crusher. This is not about the use or abuse of the character’s skills and talents used to save the ship, much has been said on that issue and having a ‘tech save’ of any plot is bad writing anyway. No, this about the way the character could have fit into the show as a writing tool that would have be unique.

Wesley was introduced as Dr. Crusher’s son and not as a crew member of the new Enterprise, existing outside of the ship’s chain-of command. However fairly quickly the character was ‘upgraded’ to an acting ensign and from that point one was functionally crew.

This was a mistake.

As a person outside of the command his relationship with everyone else would have been unique. Characters would interact and say things to someone outside of the command that they could never ever speak to someone occupying a place under them in the chain-of-command. This could have been a wonderful tool to explore characters’ inner lives as they open up about themselves in a way that they would not have with a junior ensign. One of the hardest writing tasks is getting a character to reveal their inner truths especially in a military or pseudo-military setting. Instead, the character of Wesley becomes disposable because he doesn’t’ sever any vital plot or story function that couldn’t be performed by someone else.

 

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Blake’s 7

 

From 1978, one year after the KT Event in science-fiction/Fantasy know as Star Wars, until 1981 the BBC ran a weekly sf adventure program Blake’s 7.

In the distant future, exactly how distant is left quite vague, humanity has spread out across the star and Earth sits atop the corrupt and oppressive Federation. The various planets of the Federation vary wildly from colonies that have fallen into savagery to the technologically advanced drugged and despotic Earth. Blake, after discovering that some of his memories are manufactured, joins with a freedom movement seeking to overthrow the Federation. IT goes badly and after a stint on a prison ship he eventually escapes with other prisoners comes into possession of an advanced alien starship. Now armed with comrades, some of quite questionable loyalty, and the most advanced craft in the galaxy but only this one, he launches a quixotic quest to bring down the tyranny that has its boot on the face of humanity.

Pitched as The Dirty Dozen in space Terry Nation’s Blake’s 7 was a dark and cynical science-fiction series that suffered from chronic budgetary shortfalls, the BBC has given them the budget of the show previously in that time slot a police procedural, along with wildly inconsistent characters and tones, but managed to evoke a unique sensibility that holds a fanbase to this day more than 40 years later. With fewer episodes than the original run of Star Trek, a mere 52 compared to 76, and mired in rights issues that has stymied all attempts at a revival so common to other properties beloved by fans, Blake’s 7 hasn’t even gotten a proper US DVD release. But still, it’s fandom continue watching and re-watching the series adoring its flawed production, it’s surprisingly dark turns, and its chaotic churn of characters and actors. Season, or as the Brits call it Series, 4 ended on a dark a deadly cliffhanger that serves perfectly as a doomed ending to the insane quest for freedom. When other SF properties were leaving the 70s and its cynicism Blake’s 7 embraced a vision of the future that foretold that humanity would remain a flawed, petty, greedy, and occasionally noble species.

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How Not to Write a Female Character: Sands of The Kalahari

 

Sunday night I watched a mid 60s adventure film Sands of the Kalahari about a small charter aircraft that after encountering a locus swarm crashes in the Kalahari Desert and the 6 survivors struggling to overcome the harsh condition. The surviving passengers and pilot are five men and one woman played by Susannah York.

York’s role hardly qualifies as a ‘character.’ Each of the men have clearly defined personalities complete with motivations and goals while nothing at all motivates York’s Grace beyond sexual attraction. Though she was a paying passenger aboard the hastily convened flight, the regular commercial flight has been delayed overnight and the passengers commissioned this trip rather than wait in a hotel, Grace during the trip serves all the other passengers their coffee.

Once they have crashed and found refuge in a set of caves, she is attacked by the pilot who has claimed her as his sexual right by being the ‘leader’ of their band. Despite descending into savagery less than 48 hours after the crash the pilot does not in fact rape her because she’s doesn’t participate in her own sexual assault. The pilot then leaves the camp on a trek intending the cross the desert on foot and get rescue for the others.

Grace sexually fixates on the big game hunter among them having decided less than a day after escaping sexual assault that she loves this manly man. However, their assignation fails to complete when she is unable to get him to admit any ‘love’ for her at all and she rejects him. Later she changes her mind, apologizes for wanting him to love her, and simply gives herself over to him. For the rest of the film, we are expected to believe that she is torn between he-man she ‘loves’ and the growing truth that he has murdered some of the other survivors to increase his own chance of making it out. Grace has no character, no arc, no backstory, and contributes nothing to the groups survival other than cooking meals from the game the men have trapped and hunted. Her ‘character; could be replaced with a blow-up sex toy and it would have no impact on the plot.

Sands of the Kalahari is currently streaming on Paramount+.

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