Due to water damage reasons our weekly board and card games we’re canceled pitting movies front and center for me and my sweetie-wife’s entertainment. Surfing through Amazon Prime available films we discovered this Peter Cushing/Christer Lee movie from 1973 that I had never seen and she couldn’t recall watching, The Creeping Flesh.

Professor Hildern (Cushing) returns from New Guinea with a skeleton of an advanced man much older than the current fossil record for human evolution. His household is run by his sheltered adult daughter Penelope as his wife ‘died’ many years earlier. Hildern plans to used his discovery to win the ‘Richter’ prize returning his household to solvency but his half-brother James (Lee) also plans to wins the prize for his work with the insane, Both become fixated on the skeleton when it is discovered that is exposed to water it instantly regrows flesh that is the course of all evil in the world because evil is cause by a bacteria. Betrayal and theft result in the creature being reborn in a rainstorm, losing evil upon the Victorian Age.

Believe it or not that brief synopsis makes much more sense than the actual film. The Creeping Flesh, though mercifully short at 94 minutes attempts to stuff its scrip with an absurd number of sub-plots.

• Hildern’s wife was not killed but committed to James’ asylum for apparently enjoying her sexual life too much.
• James is also dealing with an escaped mad murderer that serves no story purpose.
• Penelope is infected by the evil bacteria which makes her drink and dance and attack rapists. She is judged to be mad.

It turns out my sweetie-wife has seen this film before but had managed to repress it from her memory. Nothing saves this film, not Cushing, not Lee, not even the barest hints of sex and violence. It is a slog to view and should be avoided.

Okay, I’ll give everyone a break from the political posts and do another film review. This past weekend a friend and I watched the 2017 action/horror/comedy Mayhem starring Steven Yeun and Samara Weaving.

Derek (Yeun) is a rising corporate lawyer in the mega-firm of TS Consulting whose career is ruined when he is selected to take the fall for legal fumbles he had nothing to do with. Melanie (Weaving) is a woman desperate to save her family home from foreclosure by the faceless sociopathic firm. When a virus that fully inhibits inhibition and impulse controls permeates the towering building that houses TS Consulting the facility is quarantined for 8 hours to allow a neutralizing element to eradicate the infection. Due to legal precedent already established by TS Consulting itself no person is legally responsible for any of their action while infected giving Derek and Melanie, now improbably teamed up, a ticking clock to fight their way to the boardroom when the nine partners can change their doomed fates.

Directed by Joe Lynch and written by Matias Caruso Mayhem is a *fun* movie. Notwithstanding the copious amounts of blood, sex, and brutal violence, the tone of the film is light and satirical. Yeun and Weaving give us personable characters to empathize with and to root for while the corporate baddies sitting in their corporate offices doing corporate-y things are perfectly serviceable stand-ins for the faceless, joyless, and scruple-less bureaucracy that destroys lives in a mindless pursuit of profit and power.

Filmed in Serbia with a limited budget Mayhem through the excellent craft of director Lynch, cinematographer Steve Gainer, and production designer Mina Buric it has the appearance of a film with a much more substantial budget. Particularly impressive are the invisible visual effects. The virus causes infected people to have one terribly bloodshot eye and throughout the film everyone’sbloodshot eye is a CGI effect.

Unlike the previous Joe Lynch movie I have watched Knights of Badassdom Mayhem finds and nails the right ending for its tone making the experience of watching it quite enjoyable.

Mayhem, including a version with a commentary track featuring Lynch and Yeun, is currently streaming on Shudder,

With the coming of May it is time for me to re-watch one of my favorite horror films 1973’s The Wicker Man. Starring Edward Woodward and Christopher Lee The Wicker Man in so many ways of quintessentially an early 70s film, low budget, stuffed with ideas and deeply cynical. Because I was already comfortably nestled in my overstuffed chair instead of using my Blu-ray edition of the film with the most recent edits and restorations, I watched the version currently available for streaming. This is the abbreviated edit compressing the events into just two days from three and with several scenes deleted.

Scottish West Highland police, and deeply devote Christian, Sergeant Neil Howie (Woodward) arrives by seaplane to the isolated island of Summerisle following am anonymous letter that a young girl has gone missing. The residents lie, misled, and confuse Howie with shifting narrative from there is no such girl to the girl had died. The islanders are also fervently pagan worshipping the old god of pre-Christian Europe offending the pious policeman. Lord Summerisle (Lee), the island’s leader, is convinced that Howie’s suspicions of murder are misplaced as they are a deeply religious people. Convinced the girl’s disappearance is tied to the pagan practices and with his seaplane sabotaged Howie is forced confronts the conspiracy alone in a desperate race again time and the coming May Day celebrations.

The Wicker Man is a unique film, simultaneously inhabiting the genres of folk horror, art house film, and musical while maintaining a consistent tone of dread. The production was troubled and the sale of the studio before completion led the final product being hacked down to 88 minutes without any real regard to story or quality. Over the decades various versions of the film have surfaced and been restored but the original edit has never been found and the original negative are believed destroyed, making The Wicker Man an enduring cinematic myth. Lee long maintained that he loved the script so much he appeared for free and that it was his favorite screen performance. Director Robin Hardy returned to Summerisle decades later for the sequel The Wicker Tree but failed to recapture the glorious magic of early seventies film. 2006 witnessed a remake of the film starring Nicholas Cage as the investigating officer but the sly and subtle conflict of culture theme was replaced with what many consider to be blatant misogyny.

No matter what version you watch The Wicker Man remains one of the most interesting, unique, and enigmatic movies.

The Wicker Man is currently streaming on Shudder and Amazon Prime.

I recently watched about a third of a horror movie, Game of Death, currently streaming on Shudder and it is a perfect example of how not to construct a story.

This movie has the very brief running time of a meager 73 minutes. Given such a short length this is the sort of movie that needs to hit the ground already sprinting at full speed perhaps in mid-action with flashback to fill in the audience on how the set-up was established.

But that is not how Game of Death (2017) starts. No, the movie wastes 8 full minutes more than 10 percent of the entire film watching the seven ‘characters’ party at rural home. This extended sequence does very little to reveal character, I honestly couldn’t tell you any of the defining elements of any of their personalities, present no dramatic tension or conflict, and carries no foreshadowing of doom. It is fully wasted time.

Eventually the characters take a break from drugs, swimming, the least erotic sexual scenes I have witnessed in a long time to play the titular board game and get the plot moving. Naturally they do not understand the ‘rules’ of the game and when they fail to make their first kill before the timer expires, a timer I might add that display no countdown so neither the characters nor the audience can judge how dire the situation is, the first of the seven has his head explode. The cast misinterpret this as someone shooting at time and when a neighbor appears concerning about the vast amount of screaming coming from the home. They take him hostage assuming that he was the shooter. To do this one of the guys produces a pistol and I asked the same question the rest of the cast voiced, ‘where did you get that?’ Yup, a gun that proves to be vital as that character, and his terrible trigger discipline, force the others to kill random people to sate the game’s appetite, appears wholly unestablished not even in those wasted 8 minutes from the start.

People do not do this in your films, short stories, or novels. Vital and critical elements of your story must be established before they are employed.

I switched off the movie and removed it from my Shudder queue. There are far too many decent and great films to waste my time watching something this spectacularly bad.

Of late I have been watching a lot of Nordic Noir television programming with my Sweetie-Wife and then stumbled across this Swedish horror film Koko Di Koko Da. (The nonsense title is a sung refrain from a nursery rhyme.)

Married couple Tobias and Elin, three years after the sudden death of their daughter, camp in an isolated wood trying to repair their relationship. While camping they are besieged by three murderous characters from the nursery rhyme that inspired the film’s title and are killed. The sequence of events repeated in a Groundhog Day style loop with only Tobias remember each repeating cycle.

I am sorry to report that this movie simply did not work for me. There are two major factors why I found this movie unsatisfying.

First off, Tobias is a thoroughly unlikeable character, and his treatment of Elin is abominable. It is clear that she does not want to camp but he ignores her feelings entirely for his own desires. In addition to neglect and thoughtlessness Tobias after he is aware of the time-loop that they character are trapped within more than once abandons Elin even before the murderous characters appear. By the midpoint of the movie, I wanted nothing more than for him to die terribly and for Elin to escape. Mind Elin is not a very pleasant person either but as a character she is far more sympathetic than Tobias.

Secondly, more than once the film shatters its point of view with animated intermissions and unmotivated shifting to another character. I think the filmmakers were going for a more stylized and symbolic approach but instead of crafting emotional responses that created only confusion.

The ending holds no catharsis and no resolution but simply terminates the story without explanation or rhyme or reason. This may work for some but for me it was a disappointment.

Koko-di Koko-da is currently streaming on Shudder.