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The fundamental forces are fascinating and mysterious elements of the universe. Electro-Magnetism harness and yoked by humanity powers our modern life. The Strong nuclear force binds the cores of atoms together. The Weak Nuclear force drives decay and radioactivity. Leaving gravity exerting the least force of the four through teamwork that extends across the universe proves stronger than all the rest creating black holes and breaking physics itself.

But the ultimate fundamental force is Motivated Reasoning.

Motivated reasoning is the power that makes 1984’s Big Brother a terrifying possibility. It is not that everyone knows the truth of a situation and simply complies out of rational self-preservation but rather once a desired outcome is formed how easily we craft elaborate justification and logic chains to bind ourselves to the fiction that produces the satisfying result.

It powers out divisive and partisan politics. As parties move and reform around new priorities and populations very few former members leave for pastures more in line with their stated positions but rather the people find circuitous routes of reasonings that ‘justifies’ their loyalty to new positions.

Motivated Reasoning extends its deceptive grasp beyond politics. It reaches wherever emotion and identity impact. Show me something that is important to a person sense of self and there you will find motivated reasoning.

This force is particularly dangerous because it is so subtle. Working its way on us from our subconscious influencing the very things we give any weight to before we are even aware that we have given something a value of importance. People rarely ask themselves, ‘Why do I think this?’ ‘Why do accept this?’

I am no more immune to motivated reasoning than any other person walking this planet. I try, I try very hard to interrogate myself as to what is beyond my acceptance of a fact or my ‘gut feeling’ on any subject, but being human, being a creature of socialization, I fall short as we all do. But we must try.

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I ended up taking two days off this week, Wednesday and Thursday to watch rocket launches streamed live. Originally it had been just Wednesday as June 5th had been the originally proposed date for the Integrated Flight Test 4, IFT-4, for the Starship/Superheavy launch system but when the date slipped to Thursday, I just added an extra day off in my request and took both. (After yen years of working for my currently employer and thanks to a muscular union I enjoy a decent amount of paid time off every calendar year.)

Wednesday, I watched the Starliner, a crew vehicle from Boeing, launch on its first crewed mission. The launch went well but problem have arisen and Boeing continues to suffer for the evolution of its corporate culture. At the time of the writing the issues look to be something that can be dealt with, but I would not rule out the possibility that the crew will need to return on a different vehicle than the one that launched.

Thursday’s launch was much more interesting to me. The massive, almost inconceivable system that is the Superheavy booster and its mated large vehicle, Starship may represent an impressive leap forward in space access if everything can be made to work at projected. The ‘if’ in that sentence is not meant to disparage but a simple recognition that the engineering achievement is challenging and not all goals can be achieved. That’s why this is test flight 4, bit by bit and flight by flight a lot of being learned about the technical challenges this project represents.

IFT-4 succeeded in its mission objective and then some. The enormous booster returned to Earth for a soft ‘landing’ in the Gulf of Mexico, though the precision of the landing still needs to be studied and verified. The Starship vehicle achieved it orbital velocity and planned trajectory. (This flight was never intended to actually go all the way to orbit.) Reentering above in Indian Ocean fully under control even as the thermal protection system failed in spots, damaging some of the control systems. The fact that Starship is so large that is casts a shadow in the hot plasma of reentry and can transmit live video to the Starlink constellation of communication satellites is in itself a major evolution in what we can see and learn in space travel.

When I first searched for the live stream of the launch, I ended up on the scam site impersonality SpaceX’s official stream. The AI faked Elon Musk was as impressive that the rocket launches themselves. For at least the first round of ‘deposit one crypto coin and I’ll match it without another, doubling your money’ of pitches I just accepted that Musk, a known promoter of crypto, was real even if the deal stunk to high heaven of scam. (No one gives away free money.) I found another stream to watch and enjoyed the launch with all its excitement.

The fake Musk scam sort of invites all sort of sharp definitive opinions about the eccentric billionaire and illuminates for me the Manichean way so many people view the world. Something or someone is either ‘good’ and praiseworthy or they are ‘bad’ and worthy only of contempt. When focused on a particular thing or person these opinions are often not static. Musk when he touted environmentalism and saving the ecology through electric cars and such was praised, rightly so, by the left. When he assumed control of Twitter and unbanned a number of quite distasteful figures he became a subject scorn. The truth of the matter is that he has done both good and bad, he views have been both right and wrong, but it’s very hard for people to hold such complex views. The founding of the United States of American was a fantastic advancement for human liberty and American is awash in the sin of slavery and most of the men who founded this nation with high ideal of freedom were also enslavers. Both things are true. America is neither inherently good nor inherently bad, but so many insist on one or the other viewing the opposing facts as mere footnotes.

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My sweetie-wife and I returned to the San Diego Zoo yesterday morning and here are a few photos from that walk through the zoo.

African Grey

Swamp Monkey

A lovely Path

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The recent solar storms with their massive CMEs (Coronal Mass Ejections) produced auroras that were visible in 49 of the 50 states. San Diego was high enough in latitude that the lights should have been visible here.

Low clouds came in throughout the weekend and anyone on or near the coast lost all access to the night sky. To see the shimmer elusive lights in this area would have required a drive east into the less populated regions of the county, avoiding the light pollution of modern lift, and escaping mother nature’s ill-timed blanket of clouds.

Alas the cough that has deviled me since late January has yet to be broken by modern science and I simply did not want to drive for an hour or more only to be incapacitated by chilly air induced coughing.

So, the lovely northern lights I did not see. Even with that bit of bad luck I am not depressed or saddened. I have a new novel concept that is coming together, I had a nice celebration with my sweetie-wife for my birthday and we are enjoying a rewatch of the fantastic film Dune: Part 2.

Best of all no rejections from agents or publishers arrive on my birthday.

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Yesterday, April 9th, was not the best day of my life nor was it was worst, but it was certainly more painful that I had anticipated.

With a scheduled dental appointment to get a crown, the final step in the dental implant replacing one of my molars, I had taken the day off. The procedure I expected would be fairly pain free and I could use some of the time off to see The First Omen at a matinee screening.

Sadly, I awoke with a headache. Well, that has happened before and they usually dissipate on their own. Without much concern I went to my early morning dental procedure and listened to podcast while the doctor and her assistant took care of my troublesome lack of a molar.

The headache grew worse. Enough for the doctor to notice and inquire about it. I made it home and realized that this headache was inf act a migraine.

It had been months since I had one and needed to take my prescription. Luckily, I still had several tablets and doses myself. Unluckily the migraine had grown so large and so intense that it would not be easily dislodge from my skull.

I did not make it out to the movies. Instead, I stayed home, trie3d to distract myself with Call of Duty and YouTube videos as I waited for the medicine to achieve its victory over my agony.

Late afternoon, just before my sweetie-wife return home the pain finally began to ebb and while the evening wasn’t totally back to normal, I was at least exiting the dark migraine forest.

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Back in January 2024 After dodging the damned virus for nearly 4 years, I contracted COVID-19. Because I has stayed up to date on my vacations, to quote the Operative from Serenity “I am not a moron,” the case was quite mild and even less so because I took the Paxlovid therapy.

That said the week following my illness I developed a deep chest cough. No material came up with this hacking, but it was intense and fairly constant.

The docs gave me inhalers and pills and ‘pearls’ to deal with the cough, but nothing has really worked. Prednisone kills the cough but only while I am taking the medication. Once I stop a couple of days later its back.

I am not sick. There is no fever, no body aches, no congestion, just a cough that make any sort of extended conversation impossible. This has forced me to put my Tabletop Role Playing game of Space Opera on hiatus.

We have done chest X-rays, and nothing abby normal has shown on them. There have been lung function tests and those do not indicate any loss of function or impairment. Next week there will be CT scans, but I expect them to come back clean.

Now, this is just the lingering, and honestly fairly mild, repercussions following the COVID infection. There are people, some who I know, that are suffering the debilitating effects of ‘long COVID,’ so I am not crying for sympathy here.

My life is mostly unaffected, it is just forking annoying.

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I seriously cannot think of a time in my life, no matter how young, when I did not think of death. Oh, I don’t mean that it is every though in my head or that it is even a daily thought, but I feel certain that a week has not gone by that I can recall where it did not enter my mind.

I was nine when my father passed away. A terribly early age to have such a crashing trauma visited upon you but even before cancer took him I had repeated thoughts of death, so that tragic terrible event is not the genesis of my morbidly.

I don’t know how young I was when my puppy ‘snowball’, was killed by a passing car but that was my earliest encounter with death in the real world. Yet, I think, I feel, that the repeated visitation by thoughts of death preceded the dog’s passing.

I think my thoughts, my fascination with death, and with ghosts which have always been my most love form of horror, started before watching my puppy die on the road in front of me.

What I think really started this line of thinking, one which continues to the very day, is prayers.

As a child I was raised Southern Baptist, but the religion didn’t take hold. As an adult I have a lot of favor for a friend’s take on religion; “It’s Santa Claus for Adults.”

As a child in the 60’s I was taught a prayer say each night before climbing into bed.

Now I lay be down to sleep.

I pray the Lord my soul to keep.

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

I was boy with an active imagination that phrase If I should Die before I wake, proved to be a powerful catalyst.

My memories are very clear on this. Me in bed, wondering if I was going to die before I woke up. The clause had to be there because people did just up and die in their sleep for no reason at all. To this day I can be drifting off to sleep and the that seed planted when I was far too young to understand flowers, and I wonder about dying in my sleep.

Be aware of what you tell children, particularly those with powerful imaginations and vivid dreams for you may be implanting concepts that they will never shake off.

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I have been absent from most online activities because I took a week and a half off from my day job and just used the time to do mostly nothing. I wrote nothing. The past weekend was the Southern California Writers Conference here in San Diego and I did attend that for the first time since the damnable pandemic. Because I was and still to some degree was inflicted with a barking hacking cough, I did not stay late into the morning hours taking part in the rouge read-and-critique session, something I truly adore, but I still had a good time and enjoyed myself.

Thursday, amid threats of rain, my sweetie-wife took the day off to share with me and we did our usual Sunday Trip to the zoo on that morning. Then a second on Monday, President’s day. Both days saw pretty high attendance.

Feedback from my WIP, The Wolves of Wallace Point, have been trickling in and, so far, nothing is indicating that I should kill the book. Soon query letters will be heading out to prospective agents. My next project combined the structure of a 70s disaster movie with a story filled with ghosts. I actually started that one but now realized it’s on the wrong first foot and I need to rethink a bit.

I had hoped to go out and see a few films during the at home vacation, but the persistent cough made that a non-starter as I refuse to be that inconsiderate to my fellow cinephiles.

My vacation ended yesterday with a trip to the dentist for the next steps in the long procedure of getting some implants to replace a couple of teeth. I was in the chair for about 2 hours, and I am ever thankful for both the skill and consideration of the team as well as for the podcasts that kept me from losing my mind to boredom.

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The three words that comprise the title of this post are often used nearly interchangeably when discussing a person, group’s, or nation’s behavior but to my mind hey carry very different and important connotations.

Justify, which clearly comes from ‘justice’ is about making an argument that an action needed to be taken and was ultimately right to have been taken. You can justify taxes, the taking of a person’s property, because the social benefits are so large so important that the taking is ultimately a good and necessary thing. Other cases can be more edge case and will depend on the moral standing, philosophies, and such of the people involved.

Excuse to me carries the burden of acknowledgment of wrongdoing. This does not have to be a major or in any way a serious wrongdoing. We ask to be excused when we burp loudly because the noise of generally considered unpleasant and upsetting. In asking to be excused we admit that the sound was unsettling. We bump into a person on the train or in a crowd and again seek to be excused because uninvited touching is a violation. To excuse carries the knowledge of wrongdoing and the admission that it was wrong. One does not excuse malice because malice rarely carries any sort of admission of transgression.

Explain is a revealing of cause and effect absent moral judgment. That is not to say that the transgressive acts one might ‘explain’ are absent of moral weight or judgment but merely that understanding how they came to be done, the cause and effect that created the chain that bound the participant in the event are described and understood without judgment. We explain serial killers by understanding that childhood abuse and trauma has warped their minds and desires creating monsters. This is not excusing or justifying but understanding how they came to be.