Is John McCain a vampire?

It has occurred to me that we might want to ponder the question; Is John McCain a vampire?

Let’s consider the interesting coincidences.

Vampires are hard to kill: John McCain has proven to be very difficult to kill. Over the course of his naval aviator career McCain survived five crashes, to of which were incidents where he aircraft was hit by missiles. He survived all of those events. (It is interesting to note that the fourth incident on the USS Forestal was a Zuni rocket from a friendly craft misfired and hit the plane John McCain was it. An accident? or did someone suspect he was a vampire?)

Even after surviving the fifth incident where he was shot down by enemy fire and severely wounded after ejecting, John McCain proved to be inhumanly tough. Surviving an enraged mob, and years of torture and mistreatment at the hands of a ruthless enemy.

Vampires do not tolerate sunlight well: John McCain is well known for his devotion to sun block and wearing of hats outdoors even on cloudy days. Despite this is has had two brushes with skin cancer. Again he’s tough to kill and clearly does not tolerate sunlight well. (I will point out that not all vampire explode in sunlight. Dracula in the novel of the same name ventured out in sunlight, it robbed him of his powers.)

Vampires have an unnatural ability to charm people: Clearly John McCain has supernatural charming power. He has survived political scandals that would have sunk others, yet he continued to win the loyalty of his voters. In 2008 when serious conservatives vowed not to vote for John McCain, they were strangely effected by election day and cast their votes for a man they despised.

Vampires survive by taking life force from others and extending their own lives with it: McCain second life as a politcian has been fuel by his younger wife’s Beer fortune. Clearly he has extended his life with her blood money.

But perhaps the most troubling thing and best evidence that John McCain is a vampire.

John McCain has no soul.

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6 Replies to “Is John McCain a vampire?”

  1. “Vampires have an unnatural ability to charm people: Clearly John McCain has supernatural charming power. He has survived political scandals that would have sunk others, yet he continued to win the loyalty of his voters. In 2008 when serious conservatives vowed not to vote for John McCain, they were strangely effected by election day and cast their votes for a man they despised.”

    Strangely effected? More like the lessor of two evils. Easy choice.

  2. Evidencethat heis NOT a vampire – Vampires are cool. J. McC. is not cool. Coolness is an essential and eternal attribute to vampires. Q. E. D. John McCain is NOT a vampire.

    1. Plenty of non-cool vampires. Buffy was full of them. Orlok in Nosferatu was very uncool and Dracula in the novel was a feral beast barely able to work out how to move crates on his own. Coolness is not an essential element of vampirism.

  3. Why in the world would a vampire reside in Arizona? Too much sun and much too dry. McCain my not be human but he is not a vampire. You might try mummy or zombie, especially given his 2008 run.

    Brian

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